Scrabble
July 7, 2006
I’m not exactly what I have sat down to write today. There are many things that I could say are troubling my mind. And I’m actually not sure that troubling is the word that I should use to describe those things. Difficult thoughts, thoughts of reality, thoughts of life ideas to live out, thoughts of being in the right place in my life and being comfortable in the skin that is there too, thoughts of a future, of my plans, of God’s plans for me. See, lots circling around in here. None of it overwhelming, some of it satisfying and most of it relevant and true to who I am.
I seem to experience a wave of emotions each day that I’m here. I go from feeling really great about what I’m doing down here, and being thankful to be given the chance to be part of it all, to the other extreme of wondering what the hell I’m doing, how it’s helping and how much longer I have to endure all of this that I currently call home.
When I’m working with the volunteers gutting a house or we are all sitting at dinner, I think that I’m here for the right reasons. When I meet homeowners who bring us lunch (that happened to day by the way) I’m thankful for the ability to come down here and meet them, hear their stories and start the process of helping them rebuild their lives.
When shit hits the fan at the house, and people don’t get along and money is missing and trust that once was is broken, that’s when I’m angry to be here. That all makes sense I suppose. I mean, I would say that my reactions and feelings are pretty natural.
Now I’m not sure of the exact rules of the game Scrabble, although I have played a few times in my past. It seems to be a game that is educational, kind of pushes people a bit to use their brains, to be creative and work magic on a board scoring points or perhaps a double word score. I kind of feel like I have been playing Scrabble today. Only instead of using letters trying to create words, I’m using thoughts to create plans. Does that make sense? I mean all of my thoughts are in my head, hence the bag with the letters. I get to reach in at my leisure-and by leisure I suppose that means I get to pick which thoughts and ideas to focus on- and pull out any thoughts, line them up in front of me, look at my life and decide how my life becomes better, how I become stronger and the proactive way to live a life that only God and myself have created. Kinda feels like Scrabble.
I have been fortunate in the past and have had what some would call a double word score in my own life, and I have had what some would make an attempt to look up in a dictionary and find nothing of the sort. You’ll have that. A few things that make complete sense, and others that await my creativity and then fizzle when the plans lay out in front of me.
I feel very fortunate that I have the ability to make sense of the bag of letters, with each handful that I pull out. I know that there are times that I struggle for days with a handful of letter that might make complete sense to someone else. And that’s okay with me. It’s more my style to make words that are complicated. Words that make a difference, words that are a bit dangerous, adventurous and at most times fulfilling. I’m not saying that I always win when I’m playing Scrabble, but most times I walk away from the table with what has been laid before me feeling like something was accomplished. To me that’s more important than winning the game.
July 7, 2006
I’m not exactly what I have sat down to write today. There are many things that I could say are troubling my mind. And I’m actually not sure that troubling is the word that I should use to describe those things. Difficult thoughts, thoughts of reality, thoughts of life ideas to live out, thoughts of being in the right place in my life and being comfortable in the skin that is there too, thoughts of a future, of my plans, of God’s plans for me. See, lots circling around in here. None of it overwhelming, some of it satisfying and most of it relevant and true to who I am.
I seem to experience a wave of emotions each day that I’m here. I go from feeling really great about what I’m doing down here, and being thankful to be given the chance to be part of it all, to the other extreme of wondering what the hell I’m doing, how it’s helping and how much longer I have to endure all of this that I currently call home.
When I’m working with the volunteers gutting a house or we are all sitting at dinner, I think that I’m here for the right reasons. When I meet homeowners who bring us lunch (that happened to day by the way) I’m thankful for the ability to come down here and meet them, hear their stories and start the process of helping them rebuild their lives.
When shit hits the fan at the house, and people don’t get along and money is missing and trust that once was is broken, that’s when I’m angry to be here. That all makes sense I suppose. I mean, I would say that my reactions and feelings are pretty natural.
Now I’m not sure of the exact rules of the game Scrabble, although I have played a few times in my past. It seems to be a game that is educational, kind of pushes people a bit to use their brains, to be creative and work magic on a board scoring points or perhaps a double word score. I kind of feel like I have been playing Scrabble today. Only instead of using letters trying to create words, I’m using thoughts to create plans. Does that make sense? I mean all of my thoughts are in my head, hence the bag with the letters. I get to reach in at my leisure-and by leisure I suppose that means I get to pick which thoughts and ideas to focus on- and pull out any thoughts, line them up in front of me, look at my life and decide how my life becomes better, how I become stronger and the proactive way to live a life that only God and myself have created. Kinda feels like Scrabble.
I have been fortunate in the past and have had what some would call a double word score in my own life, and I have had what some would make an attempt to look up in a dictionary and find nothing of the sort. You’ll have that. A few things that make complete sense, and others that await my creativity and then fizzle when the plans lay out in front of me.
I feel very fortunate that I have the ability to make sense of the bag of letters, with each handful that I pull out. I know that there are times that I struggle for days with a handful of letter that might make complete sense to someone else. And that’s okay with me. It’s more my style to make words that are complicated. Words that make a difference, words that are a bit dangerous, adventurous and at most times fulfilling. I’m not saying that I always win when I’m playing Scrabble, but most times I walk away from the table with what has been laid before me feeling like something was accomplished. To me that’s more important than winning the game.
posted by kelli at 5:29 PM
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