The Human Spirit and its idiosyncrasies...
June 19, 2006
I’m a fluid driver these days in NOLA. I drive to pick up people from gutting sites, I drive to get to work at Landry’s, and I drive to get groceries. Each time I do, navigating my way gets easier. The thing that makes the drives most difficult are the sights that I see along the way. Abandoned gas stations, boarded up high schools, trash invading yards in most of the neighborhoods that I’m traveling through. I know that I’m a volunteer, I know that I have only been here for what will be 2 weeks tomorrow, but I’ll just be honest and say that it’s wearing on me.
I could look at my life and say that I have a pretty tough spirit, (although one of my teachers in elementary told my mom that she would break me of it… Clearly that didn’t work out too well…) regardless, I have had some experiences in my life that might leave room for a bit of a broken spirit. But I have tried to rise above those things, to look at the light and not the darkness, to find the little bit of good in all the bad.
I believe that Jesus gave me a gentle spirit; one of sensitive demeanor, one of adventurous endeavors, and one that is resilient to most of the difficulties that have been set before me in my lifetime. I must admit that this visual theater that I find myself in each day is wearing close to that gentle spirit. It’s hard to drive around and see women walking the streets with no shoes on, talking to themselves and then hear that similarly to these wandering women, others have literally lost their minds because of this storm; it’s hard to hear a yelling man on his cell phone talking of times past and “if only you hadn’t talked with him anymore.” People are at the bitter end of their sanity down here. Of course there are those who have weathered the storm rather well, who have the money to rebuild with no worries, to relocate and never look back.
And there are the others. You know the ones… those who have had every single odd stacked against them, who have never had anything given to them their entire lives, who never complain about having to work so hard every day, and still find the light in the darkness, the strength during the pain and the wonder of really living. It would be really cliché of me to say that those are the kinds of people that I have met down here, so I won’t go on and say that. But I will say a few things about these people… I’m not sure that I have met anyone like that yet. And I say yet because it takes time to get to know people like that. To let them let you into their lives. They have been hurt and screwed over and taken advantage of, I would understand their caution in meeting and getting to know people. But I firmly believe that those sorts of people are down here, shining their light. The light that so many of the current residents of N’awlins have yet to find again, or even for the first time.
Maybe the people with such tough spirits attract the harder things because Jesus knows that their spirits can handle those things, how else would we know that people can survive such tough situations if they aren’t faced with them? Do we attract certain people or incidents in our lives based on the human spirit that we have been given? When I look at my own spirit and its idiosyncrasies I would have to say that is a fact. I attract certain things in my life, certain people, certain relationships-whether romantic or not. I’m not sure how to name those relationships or certain things. I have found that I have so much love to give to people, certain people in my own life, and just to people in general. I truly believe that I attract those who need the love that I have to offer. Since love comes in so many different forms, I am able to provide love to those people that I meet on a single occasion, and also to those who I call my dearest friends. There are times when I’m overwhelmed with the feelings and idiosyncrasies that are within my human spirit. It’s flawed, it’s been broken, it has its strengths and gaping holes of weakness. But somehow it’s mine. And it’s sensitive to all that surrounds it right now, which are many things. Many visual images, many conflicting voices inside my head, many physical demands and most of all the longing to be grown, to be pushed. I want to take the gentle spirit that I have, and let it be at ease with the gentle parts of the world that I live in right now (which are few and far between by the way), but have fierce passion about the life that is raging around me, and to take that passion and make it a true part of who I am. A human spirit that is raging. Raging with passion, with the love of life, with only a portion of the knowledge that it takes to truly live, and the wisdom to seek all that it doesn’t know.
I believe that the human spirit learns through experience, through being in the meat of things. Here I am, in the meat of it. Now comes the hard part… waiting to be changed, waiting to be strengthened, waiting for a place to put all of the raging passion. Maybe that’s how the people here feel. They just need an outlet, a place for their passion or some hope that there will be passion again. That might explain all of the uneasy feelings, the saddened faces and the continued appearance of devastation that is wearing on my human spirit and its idiosyncrasies.
p.s. I'm not sure how much sense this will make, there is so much running through my head right now, that putting it into words is difficult... Handle with care... :)
June 19, 2006
I’m a fluid driver these days in NOLA. I drive to pick up people from gutting sites, I drive to get to work at Landry’s, and I drive to get groceries. Each time I do, navigating my way gets easier. The thing that makes the drives most difficult are the sights that I see along the way. Abandoned gas stations, boarded up high schools, trash invading yards in most of the neighborhoods that I’m traveling through. I know that I’m a volunteer, I know that I have only been here for what will be 2 weeks tomorrow, but I’ll just be honest and say that it’s wearing on me.
I could look at my life and say that I have a pretty tough spirit, (although one of my teachers in elementary told my mom that she would break me of it… Clearly that didn’t work out too well…) regardless, I have had some experiences in my life that might leave room for a bit of a broken spirit. But I have tried to rise above those things, to look at the light and not the darkness, to find the little bit of good in all the bad.
I believe that Jesus gave me a gentle spirit; one of sensitive demeanor, one of adventurous endeavors, and one that is resilient to most of the difficulties that have been set before me in my lifetime. I must admit that this visual theater that I find myself in each day is wearing close to that gentle spirit. It’s hard to drive around and see women walking the streets with no shoes on, talking to themselves and then hear that similarly to these wandering women, others have literally lost their minds because of this storm; it’s hard to hear a yelling man on his cell phone talking of times past and “if only you hadn’t talked with him anymore.” People are at the bitter end of their sanity down here. Of course there are those who have weathered the storm rather well, who have the money to rebuild with no worries, to relocate and never look back.
And there are the others. You know the ones… those who have had every single odd stacked against them, who have never had anything given to them their entire lives, who never complain about having to work so hard every day, and still find the light in the darkness, the strength during the pain and the wonder of really living. It would be really cliché of me to say that those are the kinds of people that I have met down here, so I won’t go on and say that. But I will say a few things about these people… I’m not sure that I have met anyone like that yet. And I say yet because it takes time to get to know people like that. To let them let you into their lives. They have been hurt and screwed over and taken advantage of, I would understand their caution in meeting and getting to know people. But I firmly believe that those sorts of people are down here, shining their light. The light that so many of the current residents of N’awlins have yet to find again, or even for the first time.
Maybe the people with such tough spirits attract the harder things because Jesus knows that their spirits can handle those things, how else would we know that people can survive such tough situations if they aren’t faced with them? Do we attract certain people or incidents in our lives based on the human spirit that we have been given? When I look at my own spirit and its idiosyncrasies I would have to say that is a fact. I attract certain things in my life, certain people, certain relationships-whether romantic or not. I’m not sure how to name those relationships or certain things. I have found that I have so much love to give to people, certain people in my own life, and just to people in general. I truly believe that I attract those who need the love that I have to offer. Since love comes in so many different forms, I am able to provide love to those people that I meet on a single occasion, and also to those who I call my dearest friends. There are times when I’m overwhelmed with the feelings and idiosyncrasies that are within my human spirit. It’s flawed, it’s been broken, it has its strengths and gaping holes of weakness. But somehow it’s mine. And it’s sensitive to all that surrounds it right now, which are many things. Many visual images, many conflicting voices inside my head, many physical demands and most of all the longing to be grown, to be pushed. I want to take the gentle spirit that I have, and let it be at ease with the gentle parts of the world that I live in right now (which are few and far between by the way), but have fierce passion about the life that is raging around me, and to take that passion and make it a true part of who I am. A human spirit that is raging. Raging with passion, with the love of life, with only a portion of the knowledge that it takes to truly live, and the wisdom to seek all that it doesn’t know.
I believe that the human spirit learns through experience, through being in the meat of things. Here I am, in the meat of it. Now comes the hard part… waiting to be changed, waiting to be strengthened, waiting for a place to put all of the raging passion. Maybe that’s how the people here feel. They just need an outlet, a place for their passion or some hope that there will be passion again. That might explain all of the uneasy feelings, the saddened faces and the continued appearance of devastation that is wearing on my human spirit and its idiosyncrasies.
p.s. I'm not sure how much sense this will make, there is so much running through my head right now, that putting it into words is difficult... Handle with care... :)
posted by kelli at 1:47 PM
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